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The Spark

You’ll be hearing me reference that the idea for SHE WEARS WORTH, started August of 2018 and I want to give you a bit of back story on that night. A church friend had a niece that was moving to Austin and was needing to furnish her apartment. Since I was getting married that November and moving up to Canada, it was a perfect situation, to have them over and let them take a few things - a dresser, a chair, etc.

One evening they showed up with their niece, and although my knowledge was limited, I had an idea that she hadn’t come from the best background. When she arrived, standing in a stranger's apartment, she was a bit hesitant, timid and shy; untrusting and wary of my intentions. All of which was completely understandable.

However, this was a new, situation for me and I can’t lie, I had to try hard to quiet my loud, overly optimistic, give everyone I see a hug, personality. I was so used to expressing my love and support for people as the loud cheerleader on the sidelines with a neon sign that said “YAS QUEEN” … Thankfully I caught on quick and realized “that Courtney” would not have gone over well in this situation.

As we stood there in silence, and for those of you who know me, I am not good with silence…. I nervously went to one thing I loved and enjoyed; clothes - playing dress up! (My grandma says you are never too old to play dress-up & grandmas are never wrong!!)

I mentioned to her that I had bags of clothes I was no longer needing and if she’d like, she was more than welcome to go in my room and go through them, try them on and take whatever she liked. After a moment, she did.

I remember sitting at my kitchen table, as she was in my room, with my eyes clinched close and hands intertwined and I prayed! “Lord, thank you for letting me be a small part of this girl's life and please give me an understanding and the wisdom to be a good friend to her. Let me treat her with respect and let her leave my apartment today feeling loved. Help me to meet her where she is. Amen.”

Soon after, I said “Amen,” I heard her call my name. She wanted to show me a dress she had on. I walked into my room. She stood there in front of my big mirror and started telling me about how she could maybe wear this dress to a job interview. I smiled and responded by giving her matching shoes. She then came out in another dress, twirling around and dreaming of how it would be perfect for a dinner date with her boyfriend. She tried on outfit after outfit, with me adding shoes, jewelry and accessories! Long story short, she left my house with 2 big bags of clothes, about 6 pairs of shoes and a smile on her face.

She told me "thank you", many times, and as she closed the door behind her, I just stood in my living room with the BIGGEST smile and tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t know why, but I felt this nudge inside me. Like someone saying “that was a great night, wasn’t it?”

And it was, that night changed me. I still can’t put a finger on it, or understand exactly why I was so moved by this 45-minute encounter, but I was. Later that night she sent me a text message, not only thanking me and telling me she had a good time, but honestly questioning, why a stranger, someone she’d never met, would just do something like that for her, AND without expecting anything in return. Her questioning and uncertainty were completely justifiable, given what she's experienced…they were honest and vulnerable and came from a very real place.

I wish I could say I shared with her some profound, impactful, life-changing response… but I just texted back with “you’re welcome, it was my pleasure and I enjoyed it also.”

Days passed and I couldn’t get that night or her questions out of my head. I knew the Big Guy Upstairs was up to something and He was working on me, trying to show me something.

Finally a few weeks later, I was sitting in bed, replaying that night (for the 50th time) and it hit me, the questions she had for me and things she had a hard time believing, like:

“Why I was so nice to her?”

“Why was I able to just give away things for free to someone I didn’t know?”

“Why I didn’t ask for anything in return?”

Were basically the same questions I had asked God over and over for the last several months.

“Why do You love me so much, I’ve done nothing to earn it?”

“How are You able to just forgive me?”

“Why do You care…look at what I’ve done?”

“After denying you and not listening to you, you still want to be my friend?”

I was so blinded by MY shame and selfishness from my past, it took me showing a stranger selfless, no-strings-attached kindness to begin to understand the reckless, unconditional love God had for me.

I was WORTHY… that was the word that kept popping up in my mind. WORTHY. Because of what God did for us - Sending His only son, Jesus, to earth to live and walk and talk and minister and love us perfectly, only to then be betrayed, found guiltless yet still crucified for our sins.- I am Worthy. She is Worthy. We are all Worthy.

I felt it hit me like a pound of bricks… I finally got it! Regardless of my or our situation, our past, our present, our current hearts, our addictions, our sins, or faults, our selfishness, “nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God” (Romans 8:39) and our WORTHINESS, which comes from Him. I’d spent many years not believing this or even really understanding what my worth was or where it came from, but I know God put her in my life that night because she lead me to that “ahh-ha” moment and I finally started to get it.

That night in August, there was a spark, I felt a nudge, and an idea, a hope, a mission, and a seed was planted in my heart!

Finally, understanding, owning and living in MY WORTHINESS has been the best thing that has EVER happened to me and I want to spread that WORTHINESS around; We were beautifully and wonderfully made. We are more precious than jewels! I want every female to know this and to fully understand (truly) what it means! To look in the mirror and SEE themselves for who they truly are: their beauty, their worth, their strength, their identity, their purpose and that their joy is unshakable because it comes from a HOLY, heavenly place.

I pray that one day when I tell this story, it will end with me introducing the beautiful girl I met that night, and giving God so much praise because she is part of this organization and that she fully understands the SHE WEARS WORTH!

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